So Long, Fear Bone!

Hey Y'all!!

This week has been one that has changed how I view myself forever and I want to share this story with you. 

It has to do with FEARS. We all have them. Those little things we just can't let ourselves do because we would just die! But this story is about how God is helping me over come those little fears in a mighty way!

 I realized that I still had many of these little fears that were holding me back from doing some things that I really wanted to do. Things like meet with my pastor's wife, call a supporter or even eat something that wasn't made with flour, all just required me to walk up to someone I know relatively well and open my mouth to speak. But I couldn't. I couldn't find the courage in me to do this simple thing. 

I am a girl who has traveled to India by herself, really wants a second tattoo, lived in Africa for 2 months with a bunch of other girls and thinks a 7 hour drive alone is a  "Short trip" and I was afraid of asking the girls staffing the kitchen if the soup had flour in it? 

"Who Am I?" I thought and then proceeded to go get my rice mac out of the freezer with my head hung in shame. 

During our afternoon break I began writing down all the things I was afraid of and as I prayed about it later with God, he asked me if any of these things that I was so terrified of had ever actually happened. I realized just then as I went down the list that none of them had ever actually taken place. Stunned and confused I sat there asking God "Well how do I stop feeling afraid if these aren't even actual fears that have any substance?" 

then... a beautiful blonde friend from PA gave me this next verse as I was talking with her after an amazing worship session where we sang about God's love for 2 hours with our new church family. 

     

   "There is NO FEAR in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love" 1 John 4:18

As I read this verse it just hit me... I am choosing to fear and it is hindering me more than I realize. So I decided to choose not to fear, and everytime that I felt fear or anxiety about a situation or action I should take that I MUST just do it. No matter how much I think I fear, If I walk in the opposite spirit, meaning I do what I do not want to do, then I realize that that was in fact a false fear. It was like an operation where he cut me open and took out my Fear Bone. I don't have the "abilty" to fear anymore because He's removed it!

(google images)

This realization has brought so much freedom in the last few days and I can only imagine where God's going to allow me  to go and what he's got up his sleeve for me now that I've got this under my belt.

Pray for me. This is going to open some big doors that I always thought were locked but God was just waiting for me to try the handle and see!

Unti Next Time!

Chels

An interesting 2 Weeks!

So they aren't THAT interesting... but busy...

weird...

Weird mostly because they have been so great and so not so great at the same time. 

I mean a surprise party for a college friend and a week at the beach and on the water followed by an AMAAAZZZZING wedding of the prettiest little bride around were amazing.... High points of the year! 

Such a pretty bride!!

But then there was the falling off the wagon post... remember that... well... I haven't gotten back up on that wagon just yet... I keep looking at it out of the corner of my eye but I just haven't climbed up there yet. 

and they are also weird because I have to move out of the dorm this week... not that I'm sad to be leaving this place but the fact that I don't have a definite destination for me or my stuff kinda stresses me out. Its like I'm homeless... but not.. I have 4 beds throughout the state that are "Mine" but the homes aren't mine and my stuff will be in boxes for another year and thats sad.. 

I just wanted to give you an update of where I've been the last two weeks.

Until Next time!

Chels

I fell off the Wagon

When I say I fell of the wagon, I don't mean I just slipped off and landed on my feet.... I mean while I was twirling around in excitement from my success I lost my footing and did a faceplant in the horse poo and the mud... or rather a pizza and mac and cheese.

I started to tell you the whole story but as I was typing it, it all just sounded like a bunch of excuses. Any thing I could say other than I ate a whole pizza and taco bell in one day and didn't exercise or take my Advocare Vitamins would be an excuse. And I am so ashamed.

I am a compulsive overeater and stress plus the smell of pizzas equals disaster for me... every time... and if anyone has ever lived in a dorm during exam week knows that you can escape either of those things.

But I want to you know that it was not a split second decision to order a pizza  or go pick up taco bell. I struggled with the compulsion to do it for literally days before I gave in. Which in turn increased my stress level. I couldn't focus on anything else... like really, I couldn't remember kids names or the date or anything.

So I gave in.

and I regret it. and I'm finding it hard to get back on the wagon... today I just sat in the mud and looked at the wagon and complained about my swollen ankles and Tried to come up with some plan where this will never happen again...

But... The thing is...

It will happen again. I've just got to figure out how to cut my recovery time  considerably. Its like show choir or Guard auditions... they aren't judging you completely on how perfectly you can perform the given routine.... they need to see how quickly you can recover if something unusual happens, because one day it will.

So what do I want you to take away from this?

1. We ALL fail... and sometimes we wallow in our failures.

2. Tomorrow is a new day with no Mistakes in it yet.

3. Its ok if tomorrow has a mistake... just do what you can to make it better than today. 

So yes I fell off the wagon... but in the morning I'm setting my alarm, eating breakfast, dusting myself off and hopping back up on that wagon.

Thanks for reading today.

Hopefully the next post will be more upbeat!

Chels

Its spring!

Its finally feeling like spring and its MAY 8!

and I have been a slacker this spring... Not only in posting but in accomplishing my goals.

don't get me wrong. its been quite an eventful semester: a couple of weddings have taken place and one still to come, each with their own set of festivities, a spring break get away with my aunt to Savannah, GA and Hilton head, a Month long stress related illness that i'm still recovering from, several trips to southern LA and back, not to mention an elderly grandmother who had a spell in January (the same week we welcomed a new baby into the family), seeking God's will for where I need to be come fall and helping out with coordinating our children's ministry at church... oh and a little thing called working in a high school dorm through all of that.

 Whew... I'm sure there is more but my mind doesn't want to remember it all!!

I finally feel like I'm on the upswing of things.

 I mean summer is coming.. and you all know how much I love summer.

I got ACCEPTED to YWAM Madison for a Children-at-Risk DTS that Starts in September. I'm SOO Excited about this opportunity and It has brought an amazing amount of peace with it. You can find out more information about what this is here. I'll probably post on down the road some specifics with my trip and how you can help through prayer and support!

My stress related illness is calming down, which means that I finally feel good enough to try to eat right and actually get moving.

I started my AdvoCare 24 day challenge yesterday and I feel good...  This is a two fold goal for me. I'm trying to get my fitness journey kick started again and I'm using it as a tool to get some consistency in my life because I feel like I'm all over the place ALL of the time. I'm committing to this because I know that wherever the day may lead me I need to follow through with it. It also means making a point to get all of my spark and vitamins and shakes together in the mornings before I start my day.

So this is just an update of where I am these days. I'm going to try to make it a point to write some posts about the things that have happened this semester because I was constantly taking photos and writing them in my head but they just never made it to the keyboard!

Thanks for your patience with me!
Talk to you soon!
Chelsea Lou!

being heathly in a dorm is hard

Hello there friends!

Its been one crazy whirlwind of a weekend. I was on duty this weekend which means from 7 am friday to 7 am tuesday, i have to be on campus or with in a few miles of campus available to come back at any point at the drop of a hat.. thats kind of stressful for me since I'm such a free spirit and all. Also it was winter formal weekend so we were open and dealing with students 2 hours past our regular curfew time on weekend... I was quite tired and grumpy yesterday morning. But I took a nap at lunch time and felt much better. 

I've been trying to keep under my calorie count this week and have only succeeded one day out of the last eight. I've only exceeded the calorie limit by about 115-200 calories a day, but just imagine my progress if I could just cut those 1000 calories a week out. 

I've been eating alot of frozen meals and visalus shakes. In part it has to do with the fact that I have lost my ID so I can't get into the cafeteria to eat something fresh, the other is I'm still stuck in lazy mode and its a lot of work to go to the kitchen 5 floors away and take all your ingredients and cooking tools and everything with you and bring it all back with a cooked meal without dropping anything. I see why the Freshman 15 is true. I've got to find the energy/ put out the effort to got to that kitchen so far away and cook healthy meals for myself. 

One thing that I've been struggling with, particularly since trying to get back on track after being lazy those weeks around thanksgiving break, is that I can't stop thinking about food or eating. Not sure what this is about. Probably just and old habit dying hard as the previous weeks were pretty much just instant gratification. Because I'm in this crazy almost binge like mode now its hard for me to keep from eating any food that is in my dorm room so that gallon of milk that should have lasted me 2 weeks of shakes only lasted from friday to monday, and all those frozen meals that should have lasted me a week as well  only lasted the weekend. Mind you I haven't been just going crazy but I wake up in the morning and don't stop thinking about food or what I'm going to eat until I go to bed, which lately has been anywhere from 15-17 hours of thinking I'm hungry. 

Pray for me this week as I work on my mind to correct this disordered thinking so I can get back on my road to getting thin. I've even put up a couple of more encouragement signs around. One is on the background of my phone and another in my car so when I'm traveling I can see it and be motivated to choose my food wisely!

I just realized I didn't do a count down for you guys last week so I'll try to do the math right now :) 

Weight Loss this week: 2.2 lbs

Total Weight Loss: 6.2 lbs

Total Loss To-Go: 101.8 lbs

Days without soda: 49 of 365

Thanks for coming by!

This weekend is Nightgown party! Stay tuned for photos!! 

I love Nightgown Party!!

-Chels

Yuck Yuck Yuck

Last night I was disgusted with myself. 

I had a fell-off-the-wagon-so-I'll-wallow-in-the-mud kind of day yesterday. 

I didn't eat anything until like 1pm and then I couldn't make myself stop. I even rationalized buying a party pizza from wal-mart and ordering in that chinese I've been craving for 2 weeks. Not only did I eat this bad stuff I stuffed myself on good stuff too.. a can of green beans and a can of black beans (at separate times of course). It was bad. Its the worst food day I've had since I was on steroids for my back pain in the spring and at least then I could point to a reason I was eating like a crazy person!

It hit me the hardest when I went to get the cash to pay for my take out. I needed one more dollar than I had on me so I went over to the envelope I have for the $$$ I put in Peggy for my weight loss achievements.
 I was literally stealing from myself.
Exchanging silly excuses of why I needed this food for my reward for abstaining from it. I had to figure out what was going on in my crazy brain of mine. What was the trigger, what set it off this time to the point that every-time I got up from the couch or homework I found myself scouring the fridge for something to put in my mouth. Why couldn't I stop myself?

While I was working the late shift pondering these things while making some rosettes for this fantastic blanket I've embarked on (I'll show you photos when I get it finished, Whenever that might be) I realized that I'm lonely. Not just the I'm-single-and-want-to-be-a-bride lonely, but just in general, in this dorm full of girls I never get a break from either being someone's superior or someone being mine. I've got to find some outlet of peers to meet new people. I love my little friend group but they've really become closer than family and sometimes family doesn't fulfill that social need. They just don't. : ( 

After a long text conversation with my friend J$ I felt super encouraged with a better outlook on this whole thing and a game plan to do some more socializing and not just being around tons of people. 

I just needed to be accountable to all you out there because I definitely double bagged that Pizza and put in under by bag so that the Kids on the bus couldn't see it as easily. Also I have to be accountable to myself for the damage I've done. I know that scale isn't going to show me what I want to see in the morning, but if I skip weigh in it will start a slippery slope that I've been down before. and I can't let myself go there this time. 

I can't.

So there you have it. 

Until tomorrow's ominous weigh in.

Chelsea

Update!!

So.. I've been a bad South Beach Follower this week. 

Well really just Wednesday... I kinda threw it all out the window when I went to Jackson for a Dr.'s Appt. My family went to eat at Keifer's, this delicious greek place right off State Street, and I had their cottage fries and feta sauce with very little guilt. But the surprising thing was that I only had 2 slices.. in the past, I could have/would have eaten an entire order of those lovely things all on my own.. But I didn't!

 YAY for Change!!

Then I had a couple of cokes and (hiding my face) Taco Bell for dinner. That meal I am ashamed of. 

But the important thing is that yesterday morning I just got up and started back on track, because Wednesday was just another day and I'll have more of those days where indulging in those old foods will happen. This is a new attitude for me in my weight loss journey, and its a hard one to keep. I want to badly to say, "Oh well, I failed this week so I'll just eat whatever this weekend and start back on Monday." WRONG!!! I have to wake up EACH morning and choose to commit to this thing. "Tomorrow is a new day with no Mistakes in it yet" is what a poster that I have framed in my bathroom states. 

I have to remind myself and fight so that tomorrow will be a good day and even the next meal will be a good meal.

This afternoon I'll post a recipe I made yesterday for our Bible Study/ Grey's night.

 Low-Carb No-Bake Cheesecake!! Yum!!

Talk to you this afternoon!!

Chelsea-Lou

weak day today

Today I struggled, probably because I didn't eat anything until 11 am and then again at 4:30pm.

Actually It was just more of an internal struggle today. I stayed on track food wise today and did an hour of Yoga with our Yoga Club here at the school but I've stared at the China Royal Menu on the fridge for a good 45 minutes this afternoon, going over all the pros and cons of just ordering it and giving in. But I didn't so Its a Win!

Just needed to share because I want all you looking for inspiration out there that everyday won't be easy, actually most wont. But like my dear friend told me this afternoon when I needed some encouragement ... ITS NOT WORTH IT!!...

I've been saying this quote we saw on pinterest earlier today in my head this afternoon:
"Don't give up what you really want for what you want right now"

Don't give up. Its worth it to keep on track even if you can taste the coconut chicken and fried rice on your tongue.

Until next time!
Chels

Struggling

I'm struggling today.

My back is hurting in a weird place so I didn't get to work out this afternoon.

Also after I rested a while, I got up and at dinner and started trying to check and make sure all things were on track with my scholarship and other moneys before I head over to orientation at the end of the week and I realized that I missed a deadline for part of my scholarship, by 3 days.

SO frantically I tried to complete it, messing up twice, and emailing the financial aid office in hopes of trying to figure out some way of getting this scholarship even though I missed the deadline. I'm frustrated at myself for not double checking that date. I was counting on this scholarship so I wouldn't be really broke, just a little broke. Ugh!!

STRESSED!!!!

And now I want to eat. It doesn't matter what. I just want to eat. I've already had 2 cuties and a couple of bottles of water to ward off that hunger... But its only 7... and there is still a football game to watch.

I just needed to share that today has been a rough diet day.

Thanks for listening!

Chels

i know there is a plan... but what is it?

So Coming home early from Alaska early was a tough decision to make but after I gave it to God he gave me such perfect peace about it. Now after 3 days of complete rest and very little if any relief I'm getting restless... I want to do something... I want to see what this plan is that God has for me here because its beginning to get to me. Several other things have happened that keep adding stress and making it harder to just rest and get well.

I know he has a plan and I know that I have nothing without him. I just can't see it yet.... and i want to so badly... i want to be in his will so badly .... but right now... i can't clearly see what that is right now.

maybe it is to rest

maybe he is teaching me to totally an completely rely on him

there are so many maybes right now