Tuesday, August 3, 2010

coming home early

I have decided that I see myself as a failure.
I don't want to and i know its neither healthy nor true... but regardless I still view myself in that way.

To let the ones of you who don't know me very well know... I am NOT a quitter. I am a finisher... A perfectionist when it comes to work ethic and finishing things.
I will suffer pain and do major damage to my body and finish something rather than not i finishing.
I can work for anyone.. even awful bosses (not that i've every really had one) because i refuse to quit.
I will put all that I can into a task to finish it up, leaving me empty and exhausted when its over.

I have only quit 4 things in my life... well now make that 5.
1.Softball in 5th grade because of a broken ankle.
2. Band after the 11th grade after some major problems with my back.
3. Tennis tryouts senior year because My body couldn't run the required mile everyday.
4. A job last year because my schedule didn't allow me to do what the job required.
and 5. Summer missions this summer.

and each time i felt/feel like a failure... like I was/am letting people down because I couldn't live up to my own standards.... and in my head i know that that isn't true because people have said over and over again that it wasn't but... I still feel it and the weight of it very heavily on my shoulders

Now... what do i do with this revelation?? I haven't a clue... but at least i can pin point a feeling or two in this crazy confusing time... healing comes slowly

so that is a start on my recovery/self-discovery from the summer

No comments:

Post a Comment