being heathly in a dorm is hard

Hello there friends!

Its been one crazy whirlwind of a weekend. I was on duty this weekend which means from 7 am friday to 7 am tuesday, i have to be on campus or with in a few miles of campus available to come back at any point at the drop of a hat.. thats kind of stressful for me since I'm such a free spirit and all. Also it was winter formal weekend so we were open and dealing with students 2 hours past our regular curfew time on weekend... I was quite tired and grumpy yesterday morning. But I took a nap at lunch time and felt much better. 

I've been trying to keep under my calorie count this week and have only succeeded one day out of the last eight. I've only exceeded the calorie limit by about 115-200 calories a day, but just imagine my progress if I could just cut those 1000 calories a week out. 

I've been eating alot of frozen meals and visalus shakes. In part it has to do with the fact that I have lost my ID so I can't get into the cafeteria to eat something fresh, the other is I'm still stuck in lazy mode and its a lot of work to go to the kitchen 5 floors away and take all your ingredients and cooking tools and everything with you and bring it all back with a cooked meal without dropping anything. I see why the Freshman 15 is true. I've got to find the energy/ put out the effort to got to that kitchen so far away and cook healthy meals for myself. 

One thing that I've been struggling with, particularly since trying to get back on track after being lazy those weeks around thanksgiving break, is that I can't stop thinking about food or eating. Not sure what this is about. Probably just and old habit dying hard as the previous weeks were pretty much just instant gratification. Because I'm in this crazy almost binge like mode now its hard for me to keep from eating any food that is in my dorm room so that gallon of milk that should have lasted me 2 weeks of shakes only lasted from friday to monday, and all those frozen meals that should have lasted me a week as well  only lasted the weekend. Mind you I haven't been just going crazy but I wake up in the morning and don't stop thinking about food or what I'm going to eat until I go to bed, which lately has been anywhere from 15-17 hours of thinking I'm hungry. 

Pray for me this week as I work on my mind to correct this disordered thinking so I can get back on my road to getting thin. I've even put up a couple of more encouragement signs around. One is on the background of my phone and another in my car so when I'm traveling I can see it and be motivated to choose my food wisely!

I just realized I didn't do a count down for you guys last week so I'll try to do the math right now :) 

Weight Loss this week: 2.2 lbs

Total Weight Loss: 6.2 lbs

Total Loss To-Go: 101.8 lbs

Days without soda: 49 of 365

Thanks for coming by!

This weekend is Nightgown party! Stay tuned for photos!! 

I love Nightgown Party!!

-Chels

Yuck Yuck Yuck

Last night I was disgusted with myself. 

I had a fell-off-the-wagon-so-I'll-wallow-in-the-mud kind of day yesterday. 

I didn't eat anything until like 1pm and then I couldn't make myself stop. I even rationalized buying a party pizza from wal-mart and ordering in that chinese I've been craving for 2 weeks. Not only did I eat this bad stuff I stuffed myself on good stuff too.. a can of green beans and a can of black beans (at separate times of course). It was bad. Its the worst food day I've had since I was on steroids for my back pain in the spring and at least then I could point to a reason I was eating like a crazy person!

It hit me the hardest when I went to get the cash to pay for my take out. I needed one more dollar than I had on me so I went over to the envelope I have for the $$$ I put in Peggy for my weight loss achievements.
 I was literally stealing from myself.
Exchanging silly excuses of why I needed this food for my reward for abstaining from it. I had to figure out what was going on in my crazy brain of mine. What was the trigger, what set it off this time to the point that every-time I got up from the couch or homework I found myself scouring the fridge for something to put in my mouth. Why couldn't I stop myself?

While I was working the late shift pondering these things while making some rosettes for this fantastic blanket I've embarked on (I'll show you photos when I get it finished, Whenever that might be) I realized that I'm lonely. Not just the I'm-single-and-want-to-be-a-bride lonely, but just in general, in this dorm full of girls I never get a break from either being someone's superior or someone being mine. I've got to find some outlet of peers to meet new people. I love my little friend group but they've really become closer than family and sometimes family doesn't fulfill that social need. They just don't. : ( 

After a long text conversation with my friend J$ I felt super encouraged with a better outlook on this whole thing and a game plan to do some more socializing and not just being around tons of people. 

I just needed to be accountable to all you out there because I definitely double bagged that Pizza and put in under by bag so that the Kids on the bus couldn't see it as easily. Also I have to be accountable to myself for the damage I've done. I know that scale isn't going to show me what I want to see in the morning, but if I skip weigh in it will start a slippery slope that I've been down before. and I can't let myself go there this time. 

I can't.

So there you have it. 

Until tomorrow's ominous weigh in.

Chelsea

weak day today

Today I struggled, probably because I didn't eat anything until 11 am and then again at 4:30pm.

Actually It was just more of an internal struggle today. I stayed on track food wise today and did an hour of Yoga with our Yoga Club here at the school but I've stared at the China Royal Menu on the fridge for a good 45 minutes this afternoon, going over all the pros and cons of just ordering it and giving in. But I didn't so Its a Win!

Just needed to share because I want all you looking for inspiration out there that everyday won't be easy, actually most wont. But like my dear friend told me this afternoon when I needed some encouragement ... ITS NOT WORTH IT!!...

I've been saying this quote we saw on pinterest earlier today in my head this afternoon:
"Don't give up what you really want for what you want right now"

Don't give up. Its worth it to keep on track even if you can taste the coconut chicken and fried rice on your tongue.

Until next time!
Chels

Craving.. Rice Crispies???

So I've been doing good this week sticking to the plan with only a few special occasion cheats, you know for the concert and my parents surprised me last night with dinner at The Grill at Jackson Square, and even then my only cheat was a Coca-Cola so I say its been a successful week. We shall see come weigh-in day on Monday morning. 

This morning while scrolling through Pinterest I saw this delicious looking snack and it just sent a craving through my body that seems unusual to me. It was "breakfast sushi" - a banana, covered in peanut butter covered in rice crispies. O M G. To me this morning this little snack sounds like heaven, and as healthy as it is, its not phase one South Beach approved.  : ( sad day in ChelseaWorld.

(I just though I'd let you all know that rice crispies with banana chopped up in them is my all time favorite cereal in the world. Its my childhood. and that's all I can say before I start tearing up!)

But there is good news. In a couple of weeks when this phase is over this will be a great little snack, with good sugars, protein and a little crunch that I'm so missing without the carbs.

Now I want to share a Goal of mine with you. 

You see... I have this nice Northface 3-in-1 Rain/Ski Jacket that My sweet mommy bought for me when I started at STATE. Well.. I can wear it now, but without the fleece liner and only when in standing position does it zip and look flattering. So you see my dilemma. 

before photo. it doesn't look bad just not as comfortable as i'd like. (sorry about the crazy face. mirror pics are tricky.)

My Goal is by the winter to be able to put in the Liner and zip that baby up and have a seat and look like a darling little snow bunny rather than a stuffed pork chop. 

There you have it. My thoughts this early morning post 6:30am Fire Alarm and Office Duty from 8:30-1:30.

Maybe I'll post some recipes this afternoon!! You just have to come back and see!

Until then, 

Chels