Thursday, December 13, 2012

I have a skewed self veiw

I am so tired of being fat. 
And... I am not just eating whatever I want and sitting on my bum all the time either. I am eating pretty healthy small meals and trying to stay under my calorie count, but nothing seems to really work without making me bitter towards it or nauseous just thinking about it (eggs...ugh). 

You see, I have PCOS which is pretty much a hormone disorder that has all kinds of symptoms that are oh so frustrating to the women who have it. I got pretty lucky on some of the symptoms like acne and skin tags that have never been a problem for me. But I do have several of the other symptoms like cysts on my ovaries, super fast hair growth everywhere, insulin resistance and major difficulty losing weight. 

That last one is the most difficult one to live with day in and day out. Mostly because the other symptoms would become less evident if I could lose weight. 
Ugh.. Its just a Vicious cycle where there isn't much hope.

I also have a gluten sensitivity that I'm still trying to figure out and work my way around... but thats another story. 

back to the main topic...

I have a skewed self view... but its not in the typical way. 
Many girls/women OVERESTIMATE their body size, meaning what they see in the mirror is bigger in their minds than in reality, but I'm the opposite. 

I think i'm smaller and thinner than I really am. That girl in the mirror doesn't look half bad and she's not that big, and she's pretty cute. I realized this what not actually the case after seeing some photos from a friend's birthday party... I looked HUGE! I didn't even recognize my body in the photo at first... and I was appalled that that is what I actually looked like. 

This may be a hinderance in my weight loss journey because I feel like I don't have that much to lose when I look in the mirror. That is not the case. I have 100 lbs to get off this body to be in good healthy condition. Some girls would love to have this problem, feeling smaller than they are, but its working against me I think. 

A skewed view is a skewed view no matter which way it is skewed. 

So, I'm gonna work on getting a realistic view of my body and my goals so that I can figure this thing out and get / on my way to a smaller less focused-on-weight me. 

Just needed to share!
Until Next Time

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